The Fake that Won't Go

Somethings that are almost always true about me
The smiles are fake
The tears are real

Do you know the times when you frown, but your parents didn't like it?
Well, I don't know what they did to you, but mine's pretty clear

If you don't smile, you'll be left alone

I used to believe it
I mean, come on, just smile, and you'll get as much attention as you need
But it's all lies, huh?
Cause smiling didn't make you care
Smiling didn't make you look at me, mom

Grabbing your attention is just hard
I had tried almost everything

Be as sweet as candy
"You're a good girl. Go play in your room."
Be as bitter as coffee
"You're little rascal! Go to your room!"

At the end, I'll go to my room
And end up alone again

The smile, though...

Didn't disappear

The aching desire to smile is like super glue
It's just all in reflex
As long as I smile, everyone's not going to leave me alone...
Right?

Wrong!

Smiling didn't help anything!
Nothing change with me smiling!
Acting strong...
By doing that, no one bother to ask you what's wrong
They assume that you're strong enough to survive

Look around you
Your neighbour, your friends, your best friend, your family...
Your soul mate, even
Have you ever pay attention?
Everyone has different ways to express themselves
Don't you realize that more than half people that sunk deeper is the one that act strong?
Look at them
Closer, deeper
You better make sure the smiles are real before they did something wrong

Human's reflex is the best, you know?
Before you even cut deeper, your hand had moved away
Avoiding fatal injuries...
The desire of human to stay alive
What I remember from that day...
Is that I used all of my power...
To throw the knife away...
And stop myself from doing something stupid
It must be done...
So I can stay alive...

I want to stop smiling
Just stop acting like I'm okay with it
To stop pretending that I'm loved
I want to be free
Just... Free

To be the real me
To be loved as myself
To be exactly what I am