Connection part 1

What’s left was two years then, and Voinr was extremely bewildred. She truly didn’t know what she felt. What should she feel? Should she feel happy or sad? Should she smile or cry? Cause less thing happen, and it didn’t bother her.

She knew what happen to the girl, how Ren suddenly decrease his time talking to her and how pissed she was at Voinr when people started the talk about the relationship of her and Ren. She knew why the girl glared in extreme way, how she would look angry everytime they met. She didn’t want to let go, so shits happen.

Must Voinr be scared of letting go? Cause letting go means not chasing him, cause letting go means freedom.  She must have loved freedom, right? So why was it hard for her to let go?

She didn’t want to end up like the girl, yet she refused to let go. How stupid she must be?

You are stupid, extremely stupid, don’t you know that?

Yet to be perfectly honest, she knew. She just wasn’t ready to accept the reality of knowing how much she became vunurable after she knew Ren, that she let herself be carried away by the older man without knowing why she would even do such thing. Funny thing, through the years of tiresome life, Voinr realized that he wasn’t even fully there! Why would she even think of Ren, who wasn’t even there the whole time?

She liked him, she liked him too much. It was never love from the start, she knew, but from the start, Voinr knew that Ren was different. Not just his flawless neck, not just his beautiful neck, not just his warm long hands. It wasn’t even his intellegence, not his smartass brain, though it wasn’t as much either. He has something inside him, something really shines, something make him outstand the others.

To think further, it wasn’t as much before. It’s never much from the start indeed, but Ren indirectly provide her a special space to cover, the warmth that somehow came not only physically but mentally. They might hold back, they might pretend that they didn’t see each other and even didn’t act like they care.

Still the comfort was there. What Voinr felt wasn’t just random feeling, it wasn’t those simple skipped beats or stupid butterflies in her stomach. When they look at each other in the eye, Voinr knew that everything’s gonna be alright.

So did Voinr love him then?

No.

She just like him so much, too much. It was never the way lover loves, but always more than just friends. It wasn’t love. Never love. She love the game, the excitement, something rare to feel with someone else. Too comfortable indeed that she forgot ways people usually behave, how they were different with others. People that didn’t know thought wrong, thought that it was a one man show.

No.

It was not love, and Voinr would rather not talk or think further about it again.

Just don’t turn like her.

But comfort was something human seek, and once human was used to it, they would seek for more.

Fuck that. Life’s sucks and it goes on.