Imaginary Notes part 16

Upon Sebastian's discharge, Vanz sent him home for another few weeks and told him he needed to rest; Sebastian suspected that Vanz thought it was her fault for being around all the time that he hadn't managed to regain all of his memories, and was now trying to remove herself as much as possible.
"Let me go to school and take my part," he grumbled. "Three weeks off means wasting money for--"
Vanz didn't back down. "Go home."
"It's not like avoiding me's going to make me suddenly remember who you are—and just saying, the impression you're making so far has been fucking charming. I can't wait to be your friend again."
"Go home."
Sebastian frowned and glared, and wanted to tell Vanz he was wholly unpleasant but there was something within himself that was lonely, tender and strange without knowledge of Vanz, that fighting the headaches felt like an unstoppable force confronting an immovable object that sometimes the only rational action in the face of adversity was to act without reason.
But Vanz had given an order in her order-giving voice; Sebastian still didn't have too much of an idea of who she was, but felt compelled to obey regardless.

The first few days at home were tolerable; his mother prevented him from doing chores and cooked him everything he wanted, taking special care not to place too much stress on his memory. But eventually the questions came: do you remember your father's third cousin, who bought you a hamster when you were six? You tried to give it a bath and it drowned. Sebastian responded by telling her she was ridiculous, and then devouring three bowls of chicken porridge.
She then questioned him on the names of all his elementary school teachers, that girl he'd had a crush on at age ten who'd snubbed him so badly he'd cried, the birthplaces of herself, her husband, and their parents - and by the end of it, Sebastian felt as though he were being bombarded with security questions for passwords he no longer wanted to change.
Sebastian spent his evenings at the living room, looking at photographs of himself with Vanz—a full album with just him and her, hidden behind his dearest pillow—full with pictures of him laughing with her, talking to her, throwing an arm around her and pulling her close.
"Of course I know who she is," his mother said when he asked. "She's the one who's got to tell me my hair looks nice every single time he sees me. Compliment machine. She also said you're flower boy all the time. What, she's one of the memories you lost?"
Sebastian nodded and looked away. Somehow she saw the twitch of his mouth and the tension of his jaw.
"Don't worry," she said. "I'm sure she'll come back to you."

Sebastian woke up, and one thing was in his head for progress.
She was really blind of direction.

Sebastian was no stranger to blowing off steam with a long drive, but it'd been a while. It was like wiping layers of dust off old photographs, feeling his way around the city, winding through some streets he didn't recognize, and a few more he knew better than he knew himself.
Vanz's window was rolled down and her hair was starting to look ridiculous, but she didn't stop pointing excitedly at parks and restaurants and telling stories. "There!" She would shout, pointing again out the window. "There's the restaurant of where we eat after our first lost track hang out. We bought two noodles and you insisted on paying for me." Or, "There's the studio we used to train in with the members before you said it sucks and practically asked your parents to rent a new one."
And parts of it seemed to be in harmony with what he already knew, like loose pieces of a puzzle he'd been holding the whole time, guided back into place. But things were missing still, completely missing, blocked off by the same empty grasping he'd felt sometimes in the morning when he'd tried to remember dreams.
At the stoplight, Vanz leaned over. "I... I'm kind of expendable," she said softly. "You can stop trying anytime. I won't mind."
The feeling that rose out of Sebastian's chest was familiar, the clenching and twisting and irrepressible urge to grab Vanz by the collar and shut her up. "You've gotta be some kind of idiot," Sebastian said, and the shapes of the syllables, too, were familiar on his tongue.

Vanz doesn't tell him what kind of memories that disappeared from him; about how he couldn't remember whom he's supposed to be holding a grudge against, how he couldn't remember the hurtful things that have been said about them. Precious memories of the both of them--Sebastian and Vanz, Vanz and Sebastian—were gone, lost in infinity. Sebastian couldn't remember, and it pains her somewhat, because Sebastian should be that one person, friend, that she can't ever forget, even if she tried, and that should have been working both ways.
But she couldn’t bear it any longer.
She's forgotten what it feels like not to have a worry in the world.

"Hey, Senior Vanz!" Reo cried aloud, walking toward the piano, where Vanz had been playing like all the time ever since Sebastian forgot about her and stop being so close to her.
She said that it was their new theme song—they declared it as their theme song right before Sebastian lost his memories—and she said that it was made by both of them.
Imaginary Notes.
A song based on their relationship, their story, she said.
Vanz looked up and smiled weakly. Her pale looking face was extremely visible, and the dark circles around her eyes were signaling that she was lack of sleep.
However, it did not lessen the beauty in her. She was still positively radiating light, but it got dimmer every second.
"How are you?" He asked.
"He was not getting better," Vanz suddenly stated, sighing. "He... I... I don't understand, Reo. What did I do wrong?"
Reo was stoned. "Senior Vanz..."
"You're his little brother, Reo, tell me something. What did I do wrong? I'm giving my best, what did I do wrong?!"
"You're not doing anything wrong!" Reo yelled, hitting the piano with all his strength. "Could you just stop tutoring yourself and look to others beside him?!"
Vanz stopped saying anything, looking at him in shocked.
"You need to stop thinking that this is your fault! He needs time! You need to stop tutoring yourself! He loves you and if he really does, he'll remember you sooner or later!" He cried again, and then started panting.
"Manners!" Vanz yelled angrily.
"You need to believe in him, Senior Vanz," Reo continued politely, realizing how mad Vanz could become, "He's trying his best... And if you don't want him to continue his trial, you might as well say that to him. Just stop fooling yourself," he said, and he ran toward the exit.
"You're stupid, Reo," a voice said.
Reo turned around and found Grimsby and Lizzy on both side of the corridor, looking at him. He smiled painfully and replied, "I know."
"You love her, don't you?" Lizzy raised both of her eyebrows, sighing with regret of saying it.
He giggled; a single tear fell and ran down his cheek. "I do."

Did it worth the try?
Vanz always felt that it was so wrong of her not telling him what he was missing. But it just always seemed to be ridiculous, telling him she was his girlfriend? It was sillier that it seemed.
It was heartbreaking, the way Sebastian still couldn’t remember about her even after he tried, even after a long time. Sometimes she wondered what life would be like if she hadn't decided to pursue her dreams of Sebastian remembering everything.
But Vanz decided, as Sebastian comes up behind her, hair in a mess and yawning his drowsiness away, that it's worth it. It's worth it all for her band mates, her friends, her boyfriend, the dearest Sebastian.