Imaginary Notes part 19

It was the second time. The second fucking time this had happened to her. Losing Vinnian, her beloved mother, her forever love, was painful enough, unable to snatch her back from death’s claws as they crushed her soul into a dusty memory. She could only watch the life drain from her beloved, the sound of her name in her mother's last breath still fresh in her mind, like she heard it just yesterday. After her mother’s death, she spiraled into depression, becoming cold towards anybody around her until she had successfully pushed everyone out of her life; or rather, pushed herself out of everyone's life. She had lived near schools, hoping for a new start, a new story, but it had done nothing but amplify the need for the one’s she’d left behind, or more so, the one she left behind. Mom.
And then came Sebastian. The charming, sadistic, mysterious flower boy with the dark, dark eyes that seemed to see past her flesh and into her soul, the boy with the disarming smile that had her heart fluttering against her ribcage every time she managed a glimpse, the boy that had pulled her from her emotional rollercoaster and flung her out into the world with what seemed like the barest minimum of efforts.
Sebastian had opened a new door, a new life, for her, and Vanz couldn’t have ever thought of saying no to such an offer.
She knew Sebastian was 'The One'. Because when she had run away, when she had run away from the love Sebastian had offered him—too afraid of what the consequences would be, too afraid to love ever again less there be another tragedy—when she had resisted from the warmth—the warmth she positively ached for, the warmth she was longing for—Sebastian never gave up. Sebastian had pulled her back, pulling and tugging until he managed to morph their hearts together in some twisted way, despite the guideline that had been made for them. She had reveled in the things Sebastian had said to her, whispering to her the most beautiful things, the fairytale things she had only ever wished for, and she could’ve cried, her body, her mind, her heart screaming for that warmth.
Vanz fell. She tripped and stumbled; fell back into Sebastian’s loving arms.
Just like everything else, Sebastian had shared that warmth, that love with her, and opened her up with the barest minimum of efforts, showing her that it would be okay to love again. And it just snowballed into the perfect love story after that.
But now, those dreadful, dreadful words. Vanz thought she had escaped them, she thought she had outsmarted her horrid destiny of never being able to love, to be happy. She thought that Sebastian was her savior, her loop-hole to trip up destiny and break from its grasp. But she was wrong, so, so wrong, because her savior, her Sebastian, had betrayed her. She knew something was building up for this moment, she just did, she could almost hear destiny mocking her from the stars, sprinkling her with its little shimmers of light that burned through her body, her heart.
I don’t remember you
Those cursed words.
She loved Sebastian. More than anything in the world, but she just couldn’t take it. Not again. She had almost killed herself the first time, taking drugs to pass her out, to let her drift away from the pain. But now, the second time, the second lost of memories, if death managed a stab at her, then so be it.
“Vanz, Vanz! Stop! Stop this! I just can’t – “
“Let me go! Fucking let me go!” Vanz screamed, eyes flooding with tears as she thrashed uncontrollably, trapped in the painfully tight, painfully warm, circle of Sebastian’s arms, burning her skin where Sebastian’s lips pressed fiery kisses into her neck.
Vanz squealed in pain as Sebastian held her tighter, fingers digging into her waist. She could vaguely hear Sebastian’s voice, hazy and muffled as if said through the misty cloud of a dream, babbling indistinguishable words into her skin. It hurt, her stomach contorting and twisting within her center, and Vanz looked around frantically, looking for something, anything to get away from Sebastian. She grabbed blindly, groping around with shaking hands until his fingers curled around the i-Pad inside her bag. She lifted her arm and swung it down as hard as she could, slapping Sebastian across the face back against the wall, and as soon as the arms around her loosened, she ripped from his grasp and scrambled off the bed.
But only a second later did a hand wrap tight around her wrist, yanking her back.
“Stop! Vanz, don’t go!”
“No! No, never! Leave me alone!” Vanz scraped deep, red lines across the detruding veins beneath Sebastian’s inner wrist, pulling free when Sebastian dropped his hand with a sharp cry. She ran for it, cutting her forearm on a corner of a sharp table in her desperate attempt to open the door. She flung it open so hard that when it rebounded off the wall, it closed again with a loud click. Dark, thin trails of liquid red streamed down her arm, trailing drops behind her as Sebastian ripped the door open and ran after her. But when he made it out to the main room, skidding to a stop along the slippery tiles, he was too late.
He turned frantically, punching the elevator button until it lit up with a ding, squeezing himself through the slowly opening doors. For a moment, Sebastian forgot what exactly he was doing, his mind blurred by indescribable panic, and turned around. He was in an elevator. Elevators take you to other places. Elevators have buttons that take you to other places. There was a single button lit up.
ROOF
Sebastian punched it just as hard as he had the last time, stumbling back towards the railing with a gasp for air, unaware he’d been holding it the entire time.
Phone call from Lizzy.
“What happened?! I saw Vanz running to the elevator just now! Where are you?!” The voice mixed between Lizzy and Grimsby, full of worried.
Only one word he could think of to answer.
“Roof.”

“Sebastian, I love you.”
Every moment she shared with Sebastian flashed before her eyes, blinding and blurry, and Vanz slid to her knees, ignoring the rough concrete slicing into her skin, warm blood trailing down her shins. The wind was heavy on the rooftop and Vanz wanted it to blow her away, she wanted it to blow all of the bone crushing pain away. The cure the first time her heart had been ill was Sebastian, a medicine that morphed itself with her. This was the second time and she had no savior. She thought Sebastian was ‘The One’, the one she could be with forever. How could this possibly ended because he could not remember?
“Vanz!”
By the time Vanz registered the voice and the sound of footsteps skidding to a stop along roughened concrete, Sebastian had already closed the short distance between them, gasping Vanz’s name between breaths, and lifted Vanz from the ground. Vanz kicked uselessly at the air, tears springing from her eyes when nails dug into her waist painfully as she was tossed over Sebastian’s shoulder, thrashing and pounding her fists against Sebastian’s back for freedom. She wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“Get away from me! I hate you! I hate you!” Sebastian nearly lost his grip on Vanz, fingers loosening briefly around the girl’s waist. Sebastian never knew words could be so painful, slashing the breath from him.
Why was it so painful?
What did he forgotten of?
And then there was no Vanz in his arms anymore; one second she was there, the next, gone. Vanz freed herself and slipped from Sebastian’s shoulder and to the ground with a hard thud, head spinning from the impact against the concrete. The world spun in every which way possible, dotted lights blurred into lines and concrete corners morphed into globs of grayness. But through her haze, Vanz managed to see a blurry figure, no, Sebastian’s blurry figure, stumbling towards her, blood pounding in her ears and muffling whatever the boy was shouting at her.
She pushed herself up with scraped hands and ran. The ground looked like the sky and the sky looked like the ground to Vanz, tripping over her own feet until she finally pitched forward, arms dangling over a ledge as a strong, chilly wind wove around her fingers and raised the hairs on his hands. When she next opened her eyes, mini-cars and twinkling lights filled her vision. Death worked wonders on scaring the shit out of people. Vanz stood up, turning her back on the 10-story drop down to the world below and closed her eyes, thanking the heavens she’d fallen on the ground and not off of it.
“Vanz, what are you doing? Get away from there!” Sebastian cursed himself for letting Vanz slip from his grasp, not knowing it’d lead to this, to his Vanz one step away from life and an equal step from death.
Vanz’s head snapped up, eyes overflowing with tears, and Sebastian almost lurched forward, wanting to embrace the girl and wipe all those salty droplets away, but from the way Vanz’s eyes burned a challenging red, from the way Vanz’s foot nudged backwards a little, flashing a disgusted smile at Sebastian, she didn’t budge. Sebastian figured it out too late that if he advanced, Vanz shrunk away, backing herself closer and closer to the edge until she was perched on it’s ledge, the wind batting against Vanz’s small frame, and Sebastian’s breath caught when she wobbled back a little.
“Come closer again and I’ll jump, Sebastian. I’ll kill myself,” Vanz snarled, the sharp wind drying her tears and blowing her hair over her eyes so she could only see slivers of Sebastian’s face through strands of brown hair. But no matter how little of Sebastian’s face she could see, the pain she saw was the pain she felt, transferred between them by some strange connecting string of love.
“Stop this insanity, Vanz, and get down from there!” Sebastian cried out, something like panic building in his voice, and inched forward, barely moving, but Vanz caught it immediately, inching backwards with the sickest smile Sebastian could imagine on such a pretty face.
“What are you going to do, huh? Just go to anywhere already so you don’t have to watch me kill myself! You don’t need to worry or to try hard anymore after this!” Vanz grabbed fistfuls of her hair as she squeezed her eyes shut, screaming over the honking down below and the deafening winds carrying their voices away to the skies, “I am through with all of this! I am not going through all of this again. First it was mom. Now you? I loved you more than anyone else, Sebastian! I’d do anything and everything for you, I’d agree with whatever you’d do. But this? This is not one of those things. Go! Leave me and let me die!”
The wind died down along with Vanz’s screaming, and she let go of her hair, lifting her face. Just one more look, one more...
And it all will be over...
Right?