Imaginary Notes part 8

He called her. He hasn't called her in months--he felt bad--and when she picks up, he's glad. She didn't have to though; she had chosen to be his friend once again.
She was an ex--Alice's the name--one of the few that didn't smash his heart in the pieces, one of those clean break-ups, clean relationships, so passionless they could've just been friends from the get go without having to awkwardly put up with the whole dating thing.
“Sebastian,” she said with a tone that makes him felt guilty for a second. Then she laughed. “My friends really liked the dramas of your school.”
“Thanks,” he muttered awkwardly and listened to her talk about her life, though he was not sure he care that much. She has accomplished a ton--he was proud, he was happy, he was jealous--he listened until there was a pause and he got a weird lump in his throat but he has to tell somebody.
“I'm not in love,” he began, and he could imagine her raising her eyebrows, her lips curving into a smile. “But...”
The dreaded 'but'.
He talked about Vanz, he talked about acting and smiles and kisses that didn't happen, teaching Vanz how to drive or just sitting on the couch next to her, going out for lunch or calling her during a break. He talked about how even when they were not together anymore, all he wanted to do was to automatically reaches out to wind around Vanz's shoulders or waist, sometimes even to take her hand. His inexplicable urge to protect Vanz, touched her to make sure she's there, drives the fans crazy, and Sebastian finds it equally as amusing as it is instinctual.
“I miss her. I want her back,” Sebastian said hesitantly, knowing it sounded stupid. “Even though I never had her.”
It was the truth.
She was silent.
“Senior Vanz is prettier than me, that I know for sure.”
“But I'm not,” Sebastian said. “I'm not in love. It's not like that.”
She laughed. “I'm very open-minded about these things, its okay. Admitting you're in love with a best friend to an ex is not a sin.”
“You're not helping,” Sebastian replied with emphasis.
Her tone changed. “I'm just saying, it's not that bad, whether you're talking about me knowing you had fallen for somebody else or the truth of you had fallen for somebody else. You can just tell her. It's okay. Told her as you told it to me.” She paused. “I have to go now, call me again whenever, we'll catch up again,” she said happily and they say their byes.
He puts down the phone. The answers were there, as if they'd just been sitting in front of him all along.

Comfort, however innocent it seems, was as dangerous as lust. It keeps you bound and makes it hard for you to take the step out of your little world of complacency, makes you reluctant to leave and venture out. It, like lust, keeps you hostage, blinded you with the tempting idea of just staying and not moving on.
Determining whether to appear as a loving boyfriend to Vanz again was the hardest decision he had to make. He's plenty content where he is, shining nicely in front of his fans and audience, watching the videos of their--Vanz and him--dramas, swelling up with pride after each and every one of their performances.
Their expressions when he shows up onstage for the last time were pricelessly precious. But Sebastian only has eyes for Vanz; his eyes, his face, his mouth, his obvious intake of breath as he takes a halting step towards them, lips curving into a hesitant smile.
He wanted to be there for her once again... But he wasn't sure if it was a good idea after all.

The confused man arrived at the class earlier than it used too. James was the only one there.
"Hey."
"Hey," he replied.
James opened his laptop, looking at his favorite sites. "It's B2ST, right?"
"What?" Sebastian asked back, throwing his bag to the table.
"The best seller now, K-Pop, hello?"
Sebastian sighed heavily. He didn't know. Was it?
He has no idea. How long since he paid attention to it in focus? He used to look at it... With Vanz.
Right.
"I don't know."
James raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "I can't believe it, for real. You keep destroying the fun, just like Vanz--I mean, Senior Vanz."
The word 'Vanz' woke him up in a microsecond. "What did she do, anyway?" He asked, finally getting into the conversation seriously, even though he didn't have any idea why did he need to.
"She was drunk few days ago," James explained unwillingly. "We know that she hate alcohol, but she asked herself that she would like to join us to the club..."
Sebastian could not blink due to shock. "What class she attend to today?"
"Eh?"
"What class?!"
"Music."

“Ouch!” Vanz's high pitched voice boomed throughout the hall. It was silly, actually. Who would have thought that she just broke her ankle at first attempt to wear high-heels?
“What’s wrong?” A heavenly voice asked, genuinely concerned.
Vanz looked up. “My ankle. Sprained it. Very painful.” She answered, showing him her ankle.
“It’s not that bad. Come, I’ll bring you home,” Sebastian laughed, helping her to stand up.
“What are you doing in front of my locker anyway?”
“Looking for my girlfriend?” He smiled.
She laughed. “No, seriously... It would cause problem since you’re now in rumor of having relationship with Lizzy, hello?”
“No, really, looking for you,” Sebastian frowned, “I haven’t had the time to say that I’m sorry for our suddenly-broken-relationship. That was too hard, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Never mind that," she said, looking away.
"No, there will be no never minds that. James told me you were drunk," Sebastian said again, now in serious tone. "You've gotta be some kind of idiot to do that."
Crap. You are such a helpful rude junior, she thought. Now she needs to deal with this.
"I'm sorry," she said.
Sebastian pouted, hugging her. "No, I'm sorry. And oh, I want to give you this,” he handed over a portable CD player and a headphone, hoping it will change the atmosphere.
Well, he did plan on giving this later for her birthday, but he think it was good for changing topic. And yes, he did go to all problems to borrow money from Reo, Grimsby and Timothy to buy it, but well, this was for her.
“My birthday's in two weeks, but thanks!” Vanz smiled.
“It's not for your birthday,” Sebastian said.
“Then what is it for?”
A bunch of clichés come to his head. For us, for my weird feelings toward you, he thought. Oh, how he really want to say those lines and get some explanation about it. Is it lust? Love? Whatever it is. Nevertheless, with this circumstances of people might bump and eavesdrop, he can’t, right?
“Mother's Day,” he said awkwardly.
Vanz laughs. “That's cute. It looks expensive, though,” she says then, frowning a little. “You didn't spend all your money on it, did you?”
“No, of course not,” he said, suddenly understanding why the girl in school almost cried when he rejected her after she gave him a MP3 Player.
Vanz hugged him closely back. “I love it, band father.”
It's like being reunited again, fire burning just as strong, just as bright, dancing and heating Sebastian's insides with the familiar warmth that he had been waiting for.
“You're welcome,” Sebastian smiled. "Just... From now on, let's become close friend again, okay?"
The girl seemed surprised. "Eh? But..."
"I miss you," he confessed.
Vanz don't know what the words referred to, neither do Sebastian. Both of them were confused, drowned in a mixed feeling of friendship.
The girl finally spoke up. "Me too."
Sebastian's heart burst out. It was strange but he was sure of a thing--he loves her.