Moving On Part 3

~Claire~

You had never witnessed the suffering of a pure, ravishing beauty, ever before.

~

You were born rich. It is easy to say that with the fact that your father owns a gigantic company, one of the best in Seoul. But anyway, that isn't it.

Your father wanted you to withstand the roughness of the real world you would face when you grow up, so he sent you to normal school. Since little, though surrounded by maids and servants, you always tried to do things by yourself. You learned self-defense technique, music abilities, dancing, and so much more. Your father is proud you, and for years, you have been really proud of it.

The only thing that mattered to you was your father's opinion about you, and when talking about him, you want it all.

Of course...

It is before he came.

~

Vince Rickenbackers was lovable, simply lovable. He smiled when necessary, talking with manners with those he think deserve it. A game freak he is, but it didn't matter cause he always get good ranks. And well, he was just... Everything you want.

You get to see the different side of Vince's life pretty soon after you know him.

He is popular, that Vince, and he's also trendy. But well, whoever, if others were in your position, will agree that his room show no indication of the cool boy around the school. In fact, except for the big, mahagony cupboard and piles of games, nothing in the bedroom resembles him.

The white king-sized bed that is way too big for a person to sleep in, with variations of dolls and ribbons. On the desk, piles of music sheets and books, and also pencils and erasers, and headsets and CDs, lying messily. And you swear, you only knew that Vince played the clarinet over the total of seven other instrument.

You asked him whose room is it, and Vince smiled sheepishly. You were positive that he was blushing.

I would like to introduce you to someone, he said softly, and he told you to wait for a minute.

You smiled, waiting for him to come back.

The first person you saw coming back wasn't the love you've been waiting, but rather, someone else. You were disappointed.

A shy girl. Small, cute, accompanied by red puffy cheeks and light brown eyes with a little spark inside. She wasn't too skinny, but she wasn't in the category of slim as well. So maybe she was just simply skinny? You have no idea. But you're sure that she's thinner than you.

Her clothes were simple; an over-sized red flowered nylon pajamas and big, cute white vest along with it. Her face is small, and her thin eyeliners were still not yet erased.

She looked fine overall--though you did manage to take the hint of disappointment in her eyes--and smiled to you, bowing.

Vince came right after.

Anna, this is Claire, my friend, he told her simply, and Claire, this is Anna, my little girl. He told you that this Anna sometimes sleep there.

It bothered you. She was a beautiful creature, and she could live 24/7 with your beloved one! And in what way do you even think this world is fair?

But still, you faked a smile. Nice to meet you, Anna, you said, but she quickly withdraw, hiding behind Vince with hand on his arm.

You felt offended, but Vince apologize as fast as lightning. She isn't familiar with introduction to strangers, Vince said, ruffling the other's hair lightly before taking a small tie and tied the smaller's hair to the back.

Vince, the small guy half-yelled, but Vince just smiled.

You look cute, Anna.

And that time you knew, he could never love you more that he would ever love her.

~

Isaac told you to back off as soon as he knew you're getting close with Vince.

I know Anna, Isaac explained, I mean, my brother knows about her.

He told you that Anna is fragile, shy and easily hurt, and he also told you that Anna had been living with Vince for a very long time. He warned you that you'll bring lots of pain if you tried to get closer.

Isaac was worried, you know. Isaac is your best buddy, he’s been there yourwhole life. He study at your school, coming when you win the trophies for taekwondo and music, he was simply everywhere.

It is clear to you that Isaac loves you.

But it is clear to Isaac that you love Vince.

It is not that you don’t love Isaac. He was charming, with his heavenly voice and sharp jaw, enough mucles and all, but you always thought that a bubbly, mysterious, non-turtle lover boy would be a better soulmate.

You know what?

Wrong!

Cause because of your stupid ego, Vince is lying, cords attaching to his body! He can’t even breathe without the oxygen mask! And it’s all your fault!

His dark orbs never opened again, and his thin lips refused to curve into a smile. His cool figure turned into the fragile, dying person, and it’s because you took away something very important in his life.

You felt terrible. No, stupid. You’re the one that caused this.

You realized the small frown Anna always try to hide when you were with Vince. And she always tried to avoid you, her eyes begged for mercy everytime you locked her in a dead glare. But oh, you’re too blind to see. Cause you’re such a selfish girl.

~

Isaac left you.

Yes, he really walked out of your life.

You remembered his bitter smile and weak laugh, telling you to do what you want, warning you that you’ll ended up hurting. You ignored him, running away.

You must confess that life’s completely strange without him. You two never meet each other again, not even at school. Later on you found out that he even moved to another school only to avoid you.

He’s cruel. He’s devil. He didn’t know how much you love him. You don’t know how much you wanted Vince to love you.

But he knew.

And he was right.

It’s not only you, though. Your selfishness ended up here, in this hospital, with the blood of certain someone you killed, even not directly, and a her lover, that tried to kill himself to reach the other.

At least he’s still alive, at least his heart is still beating.

No. His heart is not. Maybe not literally stop beating, but it has.

~

You remembered clearly Anna’s last phone call.

“Hello?” You heard his voice.

“Anna, I want to tell you that I won’t be able to come back home for a few days. We got to rush for the project. Can you compose the song by your own?” Vince asked.

A laugh. A forced laugh you know too well. “I’m good,” you heard her say faintly.

“Okay then, see you later?” Vince said when you raised tons of papers in front of him.

“Vince.”

“Yes?”

“I really love you. I always do.”

You almost chocked. She just confessed through phone call?

“Eh...? What do you...”

“Goodbye, Vince.”

“Wait, Wooki...”

And she hang up.

You were terrified by the man in front of you right after she hung up. His eyes widened, shivering, scared till death.

And you concluded.

The moment Anna hung up, Vince’s heart had stopped beating. The moment he ran out, pushing you away, running downstair and started the engine of the car, his organs are shutting down. The moment you see him picking up the phone worriedly at school the next day, accepting the new that Anna’s body had been found... He had died completely inside.

And now you’re shaking in front of the dying Vince, and the image of Anna’s death composed your nightmare, traumatized you.  The feeling of guilt that hugged you tight give you a hysterical chill, a cool shudder that trickles down your spine. Shadows seem to swirl around you, and you are drawn in a bottomless whole called guilt.

Sick, yes you are. When Vince pushed you away that day, the last day you see him walking; running to the street, dying, you screamed, deep inside, crying, sobbing, longing for the warmth you would never get.

Thinking that you were so selfish, even when you know you have the love of Isaac, you still took someone else’s. Thinking how much more destroyed Anna’s heart than yours, because whatever happen, you didn’t put your soul and heart to the hand of one guy you truly love all your life. You realized that you lose everything for your ego, Isaac’s sincere love, Vince’s tight hug as your best friend.

You scratched yourself more, thinking that your suffering is far less than those you hurt, those you torment till the end. The suffering and pain, grief, that pumps through your heart, broken as it is, and peace remain allusive.

The visitors that come and go tried to cheer you up, telling you it’s gonna be okay.

But you know better.

Three hearts are torn apart when those priceless treasure broken beyond repair, excluding yours, and it’s all your fault.

And it’s funny that you find out...

You could still love with all the shattered little pieces.