Imaginary Notes part 5

Sebastian was in the same thoughts.
Except now, shining individually—grimly Sebastian thinks about how Vanz shines regardless; no matter who's standing next to her, her shadow or Reo or Sebastian or whoever—he feels bored and lonely.

Reo gets home right at four in the morning, turns on his laptop, the computer hum making Sebastian sigh.
“Hey,” he said and Reo mutters something in reply, typing away something in haste already. “How was the training?” He asks and realized it's a stupid question. Training’s training. Training's always the same. Assignment’s assignment. He really wants to ask about Vanz, but that's stupid, too. Vanz's Vanz. What would be wrong with her?
He would know. He’d just know.
“Fine,” his little brother says; his tone was extremely low, almost like a zombie.
Sebastian didn’t prolong the conversation, but went to bath.

Time is limited. Reo started to memorize his drama part while Sebastian grabbed everything that belongs to him on the table, ready to leave the drama training’s room.
“You're leaving already?” Nicole asked, looking at him—already with bags.
“I have extra lesson at 5.”
She glanced at the clock on the corner of the room that clearly read: 4.45 pm. “I see.”
Yeah, she should've seen it earlier.
Sebastian looked around and saw Vanz, jumping and dancing here and there, singing as loud as she can—and Sebastian thought it was amazingly beautiful no matter how strange her voice become—just like she always do. It was her way of training with the others, playing the nice character—her favorite; she thought that it was challenging and easy.
Vanz glanced at him and smiled. Sebastian smiled back weakly, not daring to look directly for too long.
Was it the right thing to do?
Still texting her every morning and smiling to each other sweetly like that. It was amazingly hurting—the way they need to avoid each other.
She got back to practice with Reo and all Sebastian could do was watching.
Her smile, her laugh, her voice...
He misses her.
It's weird.
He misses her and yet she's right there.
Right there.

Taste of beer and wine were on her tongue; it's the first nights when jolly drunkenness turns into overdramatic misery somewhere around 2 AM as she rolls on the living-room floor.
“Fuck off,” she told the hands that were grabbing her shoulders. “I'm fine, you assholes. Get off.”
“I will never drink with you again,” said a voice she can't quite place on the moment. Maybe it is Reo--he was the one that freaked out when she said she want to drink with them--maybe it’s not. She didn’t really care.
“I don’t get it,” said another voice that just join in, sounded more concern. "Something must bother her a lot."
Vanz was pretty much unaware and her vision was extremely blurry. She fell asleep, but still hearing the voices, talking in an unreal sort of way, like she can't be too sure whether she was hearing them or imagining the conversation.
“Just don't tell brother about this,” he said.
“He'll find out eventually anyway.”
“We're not going to tell him. He is worrying enough as it is.”
Vanz passed out slowly, and only in the morning did she have to face the random memories, the guilt of being the cause of all Sebastian's grief weighting her down a bit.
She pulled her hair as she get out of the sofa in the living room, looking at the table to find lunch. There isn’t any.
Well, fuck lunch, she thought. She was just going to drink.
The phone vibrates and she saw the familiar ID of the caller. Sebastian. The boy that messed up with her oh-so-peaceful life. The boy that makes her decided to get drunk for the first time ever yesterday.
She picked up.
“Hello?”
“Are we friends?” she cut him from saying anything more than a greeting.
A short pause. “No.”
“No?” Vanz showed insecurity in her voice.
“No,” The boy replied, "You've gotta be some kind of idiot to say that." Pause. "We’re best friend.”
Vanz laughed; her almost-jump-out-heart got back to its normal position. She really has no idea what she felt. Should she be disappointed or relief?
She has no idea.
Little, meaningless things.
Yeah, right. It drove her crazy now.