Officially Abandoning this Blog! \:)

It looked like my junior high school life is over, so I'm trying to move on
Problems keep coming, and if you pay attention, you'd realize that I had erased plenty of my posts here
It was too risky to left it here /:)
Too much people I know found this blog, so I'm kinda not liking it?
Things weren't as nice--though it never had to begin with--but I must admit that my sufferings now kinda worth the last two years
I don't really think that I want to abandon this blog though, so even after I said that this blog has been officially abandoned, some of my stories would still be published here ^^
I'm not sharing my diary here anymore after this, and I might start the new blog soon
As closing, I'd like to write a poem
Believe me, ain't that nice, but it is at least the last piece of feeling I have that I post here ^^
I tried to pour so much of my feelings that I probably ended up ruining it, but a poem is a poem! Haha!

It was mine, but is mine no more 
Named Lavagult, blooming loosely double 
The one rare single dark red rose 
In the crème colored room, 
Between the same colored curtain 
golden thread on tip 
Window framed of best oak 
And there too I stood, admiring its never ending beauty 


 But he was there too 
The man, three inches taller, in his best black suit 
And he was beautiful, a matter of perfection 


 So I thought, it can't hurt 
Just once, though unknown 
To touch the exceptional, the tremendous faultless 

I waited, patiently, for the impossible dream 
And the illusory hope, a reaching hand, welcomed me 
Blinded me of the undeniable fact, that the beauty is mine indeed, but never me 
The itching smile creep onto my face, and a quality was indeed a quality 


 Just once was enough, I said at a time 
But I can never be satisfied, can I? 
Cause we, stupid creatures, seeks comfort, in every form, and I was and still is, an imperfect being
And so the man said, gently, "Give me the beauty, and I shall reward you with consolation" 


I fell for it then, the chivalrous deal tempted me 
I softened, weakened 
I forgot that he did not desire me 
And in seconds, mine and mine only, the red, was in some stranger's hand 
It was all too late to realize, that I am nothing without my exquisite one 
For I'm not the rose,  
And just less than nothing, the worthless thorn

 ~Vanz Phantomhive~

 Bye! ^^

Moving On Final Chapter

~Who's point of view, eh?~

 "Life's a stage
For everyone to play
One can choose which character they want
And which path they walk on
But one must make sure they build a strong base
Cause you might end up being a marionette"

The days went exactly as you planned. Of course, of course, you are a genius, after all. And well, you would do anything to make your brother happy, right?

Since you were little, you owe him a lot. He’s the one that introduced you to your girlfriend, he’s the one that taught you how to dress up, how to sing, how to capture someone’s heart. You owe him, and you know very well, that by doing this, all your debt had been paid off.

People’s reactions are so easy to guess. Or maybe not, it’s just you and your skill after you studied how to act and how to react. Whatever it is, you’re gifted on it that even the devil itself got jealous with you.

It wasn’t right, of course. It is really sucks to know that people could toy you around on his hand, but people don’t need to know anything. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? So let it be your little secret.

Beside, your girlfriend practically asking for it, right? Though you know she dishonor what you had done, as long as she didn’t know what you do, she is seriously satisfied with the final result. There’s nothing to be worry about, so it’s fine.

The truth need not to be reveal.

No one need to know that you are Anna’s senior at school. No one needs to know that you talked quite a lot with her ever since you know her. No one needs to know that you gave her advices about what happened between her and Vince. No one needs to know that you’re responsible for her death. No one need to know that you’re the one that made Anna committed suicide.

Just one simply sentence is enough to encourage her on doing the suicide, and you know that pretty well.

Vince Rickenbackers is leaving you.

You laughed.

Of course, just one simple thing, one small moment, no matter how unimportant it may seem, will gain reactions. The charm of human life is that the reactions goes on and on without stopping, creating it’s perfect cycle.

You calculated everything accurately. Though your prediction missed a little cause the antagonist prince’s death somehow failed to be done, his coma will work as perfectly as his death.

The main character’s princess, oh the fragile Claire. Yes.  So cute and naive, sweet and beautiful, no wonder that your brother fell hard for him. But then again, such pure soul make rare puppet that isn’t that easy to predict. Predicting her little chain of reactions is quite a burden, but you successfully blocked all other options she have and leave her with only one path to walk on... To be with Isaac.

You’re indeed a genius, you laughed.

“What’s wrong, Cesare?”

You smiled as you see Lola walked into your room. “It’s nothing, baby.”

“Really? You looked happy.”

“It’s because you are happy,” You said as you put your hands around her, leaning forward to capture her in a heart-melting kiss.

“Ah, Cesare,” she blushed.

But then again, this life is a stage, after all. People are just marionette that you could play around if you just pull the right strings. Just like Isaac, though he just did it without realizing. He really have no idea that the string he pulled will lead into the death of Anna, the dying Vince Rickenbackers, and the ever traumatized Claire Stanley. But then again, Isaac got his happiness by leaving you with a life time debt.

He’s really lucky to have a brother like you, Cesare, you think to yourself.

Life’s a perfect marionette stage...

And you just happen to be really good manipulator.

Moving On Part 5

The hospital was quiet. White and quiet.

Isaac opened the door so softly, afraid he might disturb the ever sleeping prince laying on the bed. He put the bunch of red roses on the table, wipe away the sweats on his face before sitting on the chair beside the bed.

“Happy anniversary... Vince.”

Isaac smiled as he watched the man breathe, it was enough for him to make sure that the other was fine.

“It’s been awhile now. It’s five years already after all that happened, right?” he said softly. “I brought you your music, as usual. Today’s music is from seven years ago... Anna’s performance at the school festival.”

He put on the portable stereo on the table and turn the music on. The soft melody of the piano filled the room beautifully, each note brought deep feelings that carried anyone away.

Deep feelings that dragged Vince away.

“A warm wind is blowing like it was that night
The flowers you lovingly planted have bloomed
Before I know it spring has come again
I still want to deeply sleep like it’s winter

You are so very far, so very far
To be honest I miss you every day
Even the very small, very small trivial things
make me think of you every day

Your comforting scent fills the room
in the flowers scattered around
Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it
I want to take hold of even the air that you were in

You are so very far, so very far
To be honest I miss you every day
Even the very small, very small trivial things
make me think of you every day

A day becomes months
It seems that even in my heart too a new spring has come…

You are in such a far away, far away, far off place
I believe to you every day is spring
On a far off day, a very far off future, if you see me again
Tell me we were always together”

“You know,” Isaac began, “She cried when she sang this song... She really brought every feeling she got inside her while singing this...”

“Claire is far better now. Though she still refuse to love me, she begin to open herself a little bit more...” Isaac hesitated, but then he just smiled and stood up. “Confessing. The analogy is that you jumped off from ten metres high. Yours is different from mine though. You have someone that’s ready to catch you whenever you feel like jumping, though you stupidly didn’t do it earlier... Well,  now isn’t a big difference too, if you would like to jump.”

Isaac walked towards the door, turning down the handle. “I’m jealous of you. Anna’s waiting for you already whatever happened. Lucky brat.”

And the door is closed.

~

Yeah. That night, Claire really tried to kill herself. She really tried to put herself in the Death’s graps.

“Claire!”

Isaac saw Claire at the end of the building, and in a split of second he pulled her back, hugging her tightly as she tried her best to get away. Claire’s trashing form tossing him to the side every once in awhile as he made his way down the stair desperately. Isaac know he’d won, because Claire’s talking—more so in screams and groan-- was definitely getting softer.Isaac knew he had gotten the bunny back despite the opposing nails scrapping his shoulders out and the leg kicking his gut vigorously.

Claire really tried. She just simply couldn’t.

Not with Isaac standing there. Not with Isaac’s beautiful eyes burning into her, feeling all the emotions that went through Isaac all by herself. Anger, fear, panic, anxiety, depression, heart ache.

And the last that brought the miracle itself.

Love.

“I love you, Claire. I will always love you. So don’t do this.”

Isaac didn’t let that happen, the suicide. Though he passed out as soon as he’s done convincing the bunny not to kill herself, he didn’t let that happen. One dead body is enough. No need to add up that ridiculous number, one is more than enough.

~

Soon after, people tried to move on.

Isaac continued his study abroad. He manage to get good grades and came back with an excellent job, and all sponsors like him. At the end, though, he ended up being a professional singer.

But no matter how busy he is, he never forgot to visit Anna’s grave and Vince’s hospital once a year. At least,  through all the pain that they’ve been through, Isaac would like to be their messenger, carrying all their hopes and dreams, and helped them exchange the feelings they have for each other.

Claire helped her parents with work. Though not too comfortable with her position, she helped her parents until she did stand up on her own, composing songs and being a singer at the caffe near her house.

Vince keep laying still at the hospital. His future is uncertain, and his parents are worried of his condition. But at times, people would see that he actually smile. Though rare, though really slightly so, people begin to believe that whatever happen with him in the line of life and death, it’s all gonna be fine.

Yes.

It’s all gonna be fine.

"You are in such a far away, far away, far off place
I believe to you every day is spring
On a far off day, a very far off future, if you see me again
Tell me we were always together"

Moving On Part 4

~Isaac~

Run, Isaac, run. That's the only thing you could mind right now. The silvered light from the moon between the lavenders of clouds was the only way you could see in that darkness. And on top of it, rain seems not going to stop.

Run, Isaac, run! You tried to run as fast as you can, even though it was over your limit even as an amateur athlete. Nevertheless, you need to be faster.

You are so confused and lost, and the noisy traffic make it worse. When the last time you felt this? You couldn't remember. As long as you lived, this was the worst thing ever happened. But no matter how much you regret it, you need to run.

Run, Isaac, run!!

~

You tiptoed across the living room, your hand brought a bag pack full of unnecessary things, also a pocket with some money from your whole-life savings and snacks. It was so early in the morning, and you are really sure that your parents won't wake up because of your voice or the sound of door creaking later.

You will run away from the home. At least you planned to. Life’s getting hard with people asking you over and over about your feelings. So you would simply run and move to the school dormitory. Run away from your home, from your beloved parents. Then you will work, whatever it is, to continue living.

It was cold, still, although it was some ten minutes past one am on 7 May, which was Sunday night, or rather, Monday morning. As you began to felt the cold dew of the night, you started to miss your home sweet home. The street was dark, and the mud from the rain last day made a hard path to the bar. Oh, you wish your parents was more intellectuals than you are, so they will understand your feelings over him, and then, you don't need to sneak out like this tonight.

You felt stupid.

Did the bunny worth it that much?

But as your white pale legs ate up some miles again to the bar, you realized she did.

You love her, after all.

~

Everyone in the train was using earphones. And beside that, everyone there pretend to read their books, even though you know that most of them just do it to avoid any conversation. Don't know if it was because of the language they used were different, or just too lazy to start. Which of those doesn't matter, no one cares.

Paris was not a nice place to visited at this moment. Bad environment, bad people, bad attitude. But your mother don't care. She thinks that you need a lot of experience outside the house since you have some kind of really bad homesickness.

Yeah, well, you thought, at least wait until I reached 10! You’re not even 9 years old yet!

“We will arrive at the station in five minutes.”

You smiled at the little turtle, and whispered that you two would be home in another minutes. But in fact you lied, trying to convinced yourself in that sentence that your dorm is your home, and unfortunately, that doesn't work. All you possibly need was rest, and unfortunately, that won't happen real quick, because your apartment was located far away from the station and you got homework to do.

You sighed heavily.

“Tourist, right?”

You turn your head and your eyes found a beautiful girl at your age, smiling. She wasn't too skinny, and she has those creme fair skin and a cute smile. Her eyes were sparkling, her cherry lips curved into the most beautiful smile you have ever seen.

And in a moment, you fell for her.

~

His name is Claire Stanley.

You are happy to know that she was going to the same school as you do. And you’re happier when you know she’s from the same city as you too.

I’m Isaac Woodrow, you introduced yourself, and she smiled brightly.

Please take care of me!

~

She liked pink. She’s rather tomboy. She learned wushu. She loved cute things.

You laughed.

It was a night full of star, and the dark sky make everything seems more painful. In such a bright night, you were sitting there, in the corner of the bar, drinking a bottle of gin alone. You yawned for the third time in that bar. You knew what it means. You glanced at your watch, and read: 12.38.

That bar was Lola's, your brother’s girlfriend, located near the park in the middle of the town, decorated beautifully with some dim lamp and nice looking bar sign, 'Special'. It was originally built in 1989, before it was renew by her father. Then it was Lola's after her father passed away.

You yawned again, and your mind brought you back to 12 hours ago, when you received your brother’s call.

Vince’s dying. He’s at the hospital now. Claire’s there too.

You sighed and drank your gin again, and called the bartender.

You saw this coming. Not this bad, but you definitely saw it coming. Anna’s death was shocking, and you are seriously not the only one shocked about it. If even you were so shocked about it though you only see her once in your life, the oh-so-loved Vince would seriously be in deep sorrow.

And the phone call is enough as prove your simple prediction.

“Tequila Sunrise, please,”  you said to the bartender.

“No more gin?”

The voice startled you, but you forced a smile. “Kinda bored with it, Lola. It’s kinda rare to see you here.”

“Oh, yeah,” she showed her dimple smile. “Cesare said he’ll be late today, so I thought I could check the bar. And well, to check on you too.”

“I see,” you said, drinking the last gin on your table.

“You drink much,” she said concernly. “I heard about Claire from Cesare. Terribly sorry.”

“Na-ah. Just not meant to be,” you laughed weakly.

“Isaac, don’t be like that,” Lola frowned, hands reaching out to cupped your face, staring to your eyes directly. “You’ll find your happiness. I’m sure.”

You just have no idea how complicated it is, you thought.

“Yeah, thanks,” you said.

“Isaac, list...” She tried to say, but you cut her off.

“Why would he be late anyway?” You asked her.

“Oh, you mean Cesare? He just visited Vince at the hospital. He said Claire was there too, and she was quite... You know,” She hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Terrible.”

You shook your head a little, smiling forcedfully. “I suppose so.”

Lola sighed, waving her hand at the bartender. “The drink’s on me,” she said as she stood up. “Isaac, just think wisely, okay? Behind her wushu and all things, you know how fragile Claire is.”

The word suddenly make you feel unwell.

Fragile, eh?

“Gotta go home now, Cesare’s probably home already,” she smiled. “G’night, Isaac.”

“Yeah, good night,” you said, taking the Tequilla Sunrise from the table and drank it all at once. With that, you stood up, making your way to the hotel.

~

You couldn’t sleep. Your little heart prevent you to do so.

Claire was everything to you.

Why would you even want to be with her? You could choose anyone in this world, yet your heart picked her as soon as you see her. Why? She got nothing special. There’s a lot a people that could do wushu, could compose songs, could play guitar, could sing, and you realized that they might be far better than Claire.

So why?

I’m so sorry, Claire, you thought. Though I’m older than you, I’m not mature yet.

You couldn’t explain things like this. Why you like her? Why  couldn’t you just left her alone? Maybe she could be happy without you. Maybe then you too, could be happy.

You laughed as you took the phone. Silly, isn’t it?

You dialed the hospital number and waited.

“Hello?”

You realized how silly you are. “Can I talk to Claire, please? Lee Claire, he’s in Vince Rickenbackers’s room.”

“Claire Stanley? Ah, the blonde one? I don’t think you could speak to her now.”

You frowned. “Why?”

“She said she’ll be on the roof.”

She said she’ll be on the roof.

The words spinned in your head.

She was quite... You know. Terrible.

It can’t be it... Right?

Behind her wushu and all things, you know how fragile Claire is.

Shit.

~

Why now... This happened?

Your feet moved quickly, your steps are brutal. Run, Isaac, run. The street are crowded and noisy, which is usual since you’re in the middle of the town. Why was your heart beating so fast? Why couldn’t you feel or hear anything around you?

Why now... Tears... Began to flow?

Right. You’re still thinking about it.

No matter how much time you tried to deny, you still couldn’t just left her. You really wanted to cry back then. Her, pushing you away, there’s nothing you wanted than to cry. You tried to hate her, but it didn’t seem to work. Why?

You want her. You want her to be yours only. But how could you be so selfish? Though being with you, if she isn’t the same Claire you know... If she didn’t smile... If she didn’t love you back, what is it mean being together then?

But now... After all that had happened... Could she see you?

Run, Isaac, run! You were running, stumbling more than once, scrambling with your feet. You panicked, bursting through all the crowds, running as fast a possible as if all the demons of every nightmare you ever dreamed were chasing you.

Because you... Wanna be with her a little longer.

Hospital isn’t that much further. You must reach it on time. Claire, Claire Stanley. The name was almost a scream in your mind, Not now. Not like this. You didn’t want to lose her.

Run, Isaac, run!

Will she love you someday?

You opened the door to the hospital, panting as you asked the stair to the roof, and ran your way up. You feet were hurt, it was almost as if it will all break before you even reached your final destination. But no. You need to keep going.

If you become taller... If you stop liking turtles... And become a full grown up person in everyone's eyes... Will she like you, then? With all your selfishness these day, would she?

Not much further. Hurry up! You can do it, idiot, so speed up a little bit!

Actually you know... That even with all your selfishness... You still want her to be happy... Even not with you...

But it’s okay. If you two become together, maybe there would be a day where you become a special person of Claire...

You don’t have any reason to give up so quickly anymore.

RUN!

~

How much it takes for a miracles? Is it counted in money? Or is it just some sort of luck? Does it depend on how much wrongs you committed, or how much kindness you manage to do in your life? Which one then?

Ah, whatever it cost... You begged for a single wish to be granted.

“Claire!!”