Could Somebody Suggest a Psychotherapist to Me

I had never hated my mom

All my life, all the time, I never do

I simply don't hate her

Strong dislike would perfectly describe it

I had long time ago recognised the fine line between "hate", "dislike", "like", and "love"

So I will say, I don't hate my mother, clearly dislike her, not liking her at any rate but loving her

Is it as clear as I thought?

Maybe, I dunno

The reason of this post is simply too obvious

Yes, we fought like five minutes ago, and no, I didn't win

And yes, the development of my dislike toward her grew stronger just by looking at her face

The reason of this fight is actually quite ridiculous

I don't wanna have a private lesson tomorrow

First, I am extremely tired

Second, it's going to be full so it couldn't possibly be called a private lesson anymore

Last, I left my book at school

Not that I care, but this drive me nuts

Like, what the heck, you want me to study like a nerd every single second of my life?

You talked about random craps; doomsday, my level of tidiness (hell, I'm not a neat freak), my future, etc

Future? 하하하하 

You didn't even care about my past, why would you even care for my future?

Mom definitely not there for me when I needed her the most

Yeah, where were you when I got beaten at 4th grade? When everyone simply ignore me and claim that I'm not even exist?

Where were you when I got betrayed by my own best friend, pushed to the corner and cried for help?

Where were you when she died? 

Where were you when I'm too shock to even shed a tear?

Where were you when the world turn against me?

Where were you?

Where were you?!

Even by simple things, you got mad

You even hit me for asking about food!

What the hell is wrong with you?!

Why do you love him more than me?!

Fuck, I couldn't possibly...

Shit, I am bothered by all these mess

Stupid me, thinking too much

I think I need a psychotherapist, a good one

At least that way I know someone listen

Whatever, I'm being too emotional lately

I'm disgusting when I'm like this

Full of complains and being so bitchy

Mian, mian... 

I just don't know what to do anymore